Reason #17

Barbie is not the only “B” word

It’s been a hot sec, Substack!

(unedited, per norm)

After taking off some much needed time to finish a new manuscript and pressing “send” to my editors, I find myself back behind the S.S. keyboard with energy to burn off. (For any readers who are not writers: the time period that follows allowing ANYONE to read ANYTHING you have produced…not to mention something that hasn’t been edited yet…is no less excruciating than, let’s say, oh I don’t know, being drawn and quartered. So, while I wait for thumbs up, thumbs down, or a “cease and desist” letter from my publisher, I thought I’d come back to re-sharpen my skills at over-analyzing everything around me.

I’ve been hyper focused since last spring. And I realized that in the bubble of family, close friends, and the clicking clack of the keyboard…life is pretty sweet! Not much was bugging me! Drivers were minding their P’s & Q’s, it was too cold for bicyclists to hog our country roads, and according to her IG stories, Irene had even seemed to have been not quite so off her rocker as normal. But something was brewing. I could feel it. Little snippets were making their way through my ears and straight into my busy little brain. And this week it took hold. Which brings me to what has been quietly chewing on every nerve ending in my body the last month or so…

PHUKING BARBIE.

It’s a stupid thing to be bugged about. I know it’s stupid. But that’s exactly why I’m bugged. Because it’s STUPID that SO many people are up in arms that the Barbie movie, and Gerwig, and Robbie, were “snubbed” for Best Director and Best Actress.

Let me preface my reasoning why this is such a colossal waste of time and energy by the masses (I’m pissed at MYSELF for wasting energy writing about it at all) by saying that I really, REALLY respect and admire Greta Gerwig’s work (Frances Ha?? Hell yes!!!) and I simply adore Margot Robbie in pretty much any role she takes on. Both women are incredible artists. No…let me rephrase that…both ARTISTS (people, human beings) are talented and tenacious. Two things needed to succeed in Hollywood. (Well, the tenacity part, anyway) They obviously are an amazing team together and they made a wonderful film.

The thing is…Barbie isn’t Frances Ha.

And it certainly isn’t Oppenheimer.

Or Maestro.

This is where I might get some backlash and that’s OK. (That’s what Substack is for isn’t it?! Margaret Atwood recently wrote a Substack piece comparing Trump to Hitler and (more than) insinuated he will bring about another Holocaust if elected…so evidently any idiotic idea on here goes.) (Kind of just put Barbie & the Oscars into perspective on important topics, huh?!?!) (Wait until I start asking where all the feminists are standing up for the female hostages being kept and abused by Hamas…but I digress) (What’s important is Hollywood!) (Let’s just focus on Weinstein, shall we?) Back to it! The opinion is just mine but:

The Barbie Movie was…cute. It was fun! Frankly, it shined the most during the lighthearted comedic moments and felt very forced during the “ah-ha…we’re -all -oppressed -women -but -we -don’t -have -to -be” moments. Was it a feminist stance on a male dominated society? Yes. Was it a movie about a woman (doll) that breaks free of the mold and changes how men perceive women? Yes. Did it say, “Nobody puts Baby in a —box—, I’m an independent woman!”? Yes.

Here’s the thing…

So did Legally Blonde.

And that movie did not win an Oscar. Just as it should not have.

Was the Barbie script and idea unique and clever? Absolutely! Was the set and “set” perfection and recall intense nostalgia?? TOTALLY!! If you had any of the Dream Houses, you know what I mean…not to mention the high heel shoes (always missing one shoe of the pair), the remote control convertible (which I would crash into the wall over and over dramatically screaming, “Noooooo!!!”) or the insane wardrobe: outfits for every season, holiday, area of the world, occupation, and day of the week, that filled and overflowed at least 25 shoeboxes in our house. (One of which Piss City peed on, so that stash had to be tossed)

I cried laughing at Kate McKinnon who resembled every single Barbie I owned by the time I began to grow out of them. It was the era of A-symmetrical hair cuts and my poor Barbie’s were not exempt from the trend. New bangs? Check! A bob? Check! A bob with a crew cut on one side that looks straight out of Mad Max?? Check check!! Want to make her a little more punk? Color her hair with a blue magic marker! Those lips not the right shade? A red Sharpie does the trick! And speaking of make up…oh, the joy of the life size Barbie’s head to practice makeup on! Of course, Mattel hadn’t quite perfected the makeup and it never would completely come off after each application, so the poor bodiless bust ended up looking like a NY street hooker after the first week! But who cares?! It was FUN!

I feel like I might have touched on this in a previous post (ugh, Covid brain…or perimenopause…or…) (and I’m too lazy to go back and look) but my friend Cat and I, who were those blessed Gen X “go find something to do with yourself” kids, decided to go through her storage closet one rainy Saturday afternoon. We found a box of her old Barbies and immediately pulled out the camcorder. While I can’t remember exactly the story/script we came up with, what I DO remember…very vividly…was pressing play on the boombox and blaring “I Know What Boys Like” by The Waitresses while Barbie gyrated around our little sound stage we’d made. Interesting that at 12-13 years old, it seemed we already subliminally knew that Barbie stood as some unattainable entity. Sexual plastic! And….to our credit…a joke.

Gerwig and Robbie have dome something remarkable. They created a movement…which I believe is built more around this nostalgia I, too, felt than on a stance for feminism. They have a cult-like following and that for that, alone, the movie (and these women) should be looked at with awe and given massive kudos. And they have! By making a gazillion dollars! Congratulations you two! Very VERY well done! I tip my hat and I can honestly say that I am thoroughly impressed! Eight Oscar nominations…that’s twice as many than Jaws got. Are you freaking kidding me?? That’s HUGE!

Still, it doesn’t scream Oscar to me. Not the movie and not the Barbie character. For those ready to pounce that Ryan Gosling got an Oscar nod and those two did not…believe me, I’m scratching my head, too. Because I don’t think Gosling should be up for an award, either! Like Gerwig and Robbie, I think Gosling is extremely talented…but he’s played other roles (like Gerwig’s other movies or Robbie’s other roles) that I would have considered more deserving. America Ferrera was FANTASTIC. I simply don’t personally think she should be up for an award either. ( in this movie)

I know I could be missing something, a glaring piece of the pie that might change my mind. Still, I wouldn’t call this movie “genius” …as it has been called repeatedly…and angrily…along with “there is no Ken without Barbie”. But really? THIS is what people are spending their time being outraged over? Can we AT LEAST agree that Barbie, as a feminist movie, is actually a little late to the game in making some huge statement? It came out during a year where the most famous person in the NFL is Taylor Swift. In case you’re not catching my drift…she’s a woman. We’ve got a ways to go but we’ve come a long way, baby.

What I DO want to thank Gerwig and Robbie for is reminding people that we want to see solid, well made entertainment. Make us laugh! Make us cry! Give us an escape from the heavy real-life shit going on in the world! Like it or not…strip away the idea that this movie is being marketed solely about feminism…the Barbie movie is fun fun fun. Maybe more fun, even, when it’s not being used as an ideological weapon.

But hey, what do I know? I’m just a girl…